我的天

只有1.5个眼睛看世界，的确是个问题！该死的左眼什么时候才可以消肿啊：（（（（昨天医生说是眼疮，都不知道是个什么，为什么生在眼睛里，撞邪麽？不过华农上这个星期那么邪门相比之下我的邪就不算什么了。

医生说要白天滴眼水，晚上涂眼膏。知道为什么吗？因为只要那个眼膏涂在眼睑里你就肯定眼前蒙上糊里糊涂的一片。至于那个眼药水说是说什么日本进口，狗屁，想起那个食品微生物学的老师说其实阿莫西林的成本价就那么0.2元/粒我就很自然想到昨天32.2元的药费其实就值那么不到3.22元，生气也没办法，谁叫那是医院，要到医院就要被砍得一颈血。

左眼还是只有0.5个眼睛的视野，终于首先预览了自己单眼皮的样子。我不要单眼皮！！！！！！

说到那个眼水和眼膏，要滴眼水当然没有问题，但那个眼膏就很有问题了。怎么个涂法？？要涂在眼睑内，就是说要把眼睑翻开！我的天！怎么翻？检查沙眼要翻的时候都要了我的小命，现在还要我自己翻，怎么个翻！！！要抓住肿了起来的眼睑翻起来，除了痛，就是疼。无可奈何之下，只好上网去找资料。

原来翻眼睑有个诀窍就是眼球要向下看就简单多了，但我要往里面涂东西，向下看怎么涂？有见过有普通人的2眼睛可以看不同的方向的吗？啊！怎么活？于是就涂不成，于是就不涂了：（

不知道1.5眼的日子还要熬多久：（（（（（

看到的电脑打出来的字几乎都是模糊的，我也不知道自己是不是真的看到字了，谁叫自己无端端居然成了独眼龙了。

不知道为什么从今天中午开始就觉得左眼不妥，就是一直刺痛的感觉。开始看不出什么，自己中午对着镜子不断看也看不出什么，但感觉告诉我分明很不妥。中午打字的时候也是好像有点乱七八糟的感觉，因为打出来的字我真的不太肯定，但也许过些时间会好。因为从外表上看的确看不出什么。

下午上的是科学检索，也许太认真了，所以没有什么感觉。

但在回家的路上，一个人独处的时候越发难受。闭上眼睛也不是，睁开更是痛。不知道发生了什么。知道刚才吃饭之前，能明显看出眼睛是肿了起来，但自己的双眼皮还是分明能看到的。但就是吃饭过后大概30分钟的光景，双眼皮已经几乎完全消失了。 如此明显的变化，爸居然一点都不知道，因为，他根本就没有看过我一眼，当我脱掉眼镜，叫他看看我的眼睛的时候，他就问了我一句：“为什么会这样？”我知道为什么就好了，其实我想要他明白的是我该不该现在就去医院看看到底发生了什么。但他给我的回答是：“休息一下……”当时我真的生气到了极点，疼的不是他，但他怎么就可以说一些好像一点都不重要的事，很想哭出来，但还是不哭的好。现在，我没有哭的本钱。

现在，我还是自己去医院好了……

回来了，去医院回来了，除了花掉了39.2元的药费和有个安稳以后什么也没有得到。我出去的时候，爸还奇怪地问我，那么晚出去干什么。（当时是晚上8点多）坐在车上的时候，睁眼不是闭眼也不是，睁眼我真怕别人怕我不敢坐在我隔壁，至于闭眼，我很清醒，但却要做这个动作。

到了医院还转了个圈，嘿，正门没有开，只把那个急诊的门开了，只好从正门兜圈回到急诊的小门。挂号处护士们忙个不停，但我看到的只是那个好像是护士长手臂上的红字“ER”。然后就上了三楼，那个医生正趴在椅子上（因为他把椅背反了过来，所以是趴在椅背上）看电视，看到我的出现冷冰冰地问了一句“做咩”然后就是在那张桌子旁边不到5分钟的“查看”和开药。就这样，完工了！交钱和拿药的地方可以说是门可罗雀。这就是晚上9点，冷冷清清的大医院。急诊的诊室还是忙个车水马龙，而其它地方则 休闲得很。这就是我用1.5个眼睛看到的医院另一面，很悠闲，很冷清的一面。如果医院天天如此，都没有人有病要去看医生，该多好。

回来了，但爸还是没有“真正地”看过我一眼，也许他害怕，也许他觉得恶心吧。我走的时候他居然没有一点要和我一起去的意思，哪怕是装模作样问上一句也好啊，没有，一句也没有。没有，没有就算了，我今天的心注定是冰冷冰冷地：（

2005-10-14, I translated a much exited essay – Un Hamlet lleno de estrellas . It said that JEA would take part in Hamlet，could you believe how happy I was? From that time, I told myself I must read Hamlet out and out, I must understand all the roles in that book, so in many ways, I did my best to reach my dream. I downloaded the MP3 from BBC, and also the cartoons about Hamlet. I think, I was ready now, though not so enough. The play will on show in March this year.

Just a few days ago, I wrote a new log – 哈姆雷特的新悬念–2006-02-17 here . At that time I still didn’t know the bad news, though it seemed a little abnormality. And today, I saw a almost 100% bad news from Martha (JORGE ENRIQUE ABELLO – FORO- :: View topic – HAMLET COLOMBIA)

It means: The photo of 哈姆雷特的新悬念–2006-02-17 is old, and now JEA is recording the TV Merlina Mujer Divina, so the schedule of him is crossing, and she thought whether JEA would in the theater to play Hamlet that was rather impossible. Oh, that’s a super bad news to me. Why such things happen??? I’m standing by now, and the bad news came! Input "Jorge Enrique Abello Hamlet" in Google, you can find Historia del festival iberoamericanos, that’s the news which is in English talks about the  Theater Festival of Colombia, and you can see the big show Hamlet. The cast of Colombia and the director of Mexico that means it must be a play contain a great deal of Latin style. The player will say Spanish, and the scenario has carefully rewritten in Colombia Spanish. That must be a excellent job. So no matter JEA will take part in or not, if I can, I will download and watch.

The good news is I spend a lot of time in Hamlet, and reaped a lot that I didn’t know before. Having the courage to read the book of Shakespeare is very good enough. Though most of its words I don’t know at all, and now I still can’t be accomplished in this play, I have satisfied. Because I have exerted myself in doing such a thing.

And today also the first time of my badminton classes. I was playing with my partner, and then my teacher threw a ball to me, and asked me to test it. I didn’t know what happened at all, and just did it. And then, after a test, she asked me what I thought about that ball. I had no idea at all, instead she said that seemed the same as the old one, and then left away. Till now, I haven’t known what happen?! Why she chose my partner and me to test the new badminton. How can I classify this thing?

Bad news or good news, that’s the question, and both of them can change unconsciously, it’s the art of our life.

Azrael just like stay here and never want to leave any more. Today, another life went away in SCAU. Today is just the third day of semester, even though the beginnings have so many unpleasant things what about future. It’s a bad news to all the staff and students here. The star of train trace was a woman, someone said she had no relationship with SCAU, however, why she selected our school to end her life. Did she think that’s a little tough to us? If everyone who want to die will come to SCAU, what our school will be? It couldn’t be a funeral home! It’s just the new start of this year, why they select the way of leaving away?!

The atmosphere is depressed. A ground people came together and began the topic of the death. It’s not the end of the world, why not talking about others?! If you are one of us, could you bring in other topic without the death? Maybe the top of the school didn’t go to pay for the school, or the Bodhisattva went to have holiday and never came back. Of court, this is just for fun; I don’t believe any God or Bodhisattva.

Yesterday, my professional courses began. The first one is called Food Microbiology (《食品微生物学》) and the other is Food Chemistry (《食品化学》）. Both of them are talking about some food theory. I should fully change my thought that a good cook cooks a delicious food just by his/her experience. Believe or not, with more professional knowledge, using scientific method to machining, even a green hand can do a great job. It seems have a great difference to our Chinese culture; because until now our good cook doesn’t need scale go with them. The weight of food always likes a random feeling, we never use exactly number in our book, that’s mystery, and the secrets pass by generation to generation.

The secrets are waiting us to crack.

Death can solve everything? Is it the end? Twenty years old, a bright future is coming; it’s just the beginning of our voyage, why he chooses going to die to end everything? What about his family? What about his classmates? What about his teacher? He can easily go away, however, what about the people who love him, what about the person who take care of him! Is dead an end? The painful of others will be endless. You went away, but left a flood of sadness, troubles.

You went away, and what about your parent? You are unfilial! As a man, what responsibility you had done? Your parents had brought you up for twenty years, what have you done to render back? Did you think your were the son of three, so you could move your load on others? How can you be so selfish! You went away, with the happiness of your childhood together with the bright teens, with so many good remembrance, you went away. Did you ever think about what you had left behind? The pain of lost a son and brother that the wound won’t never be covered. You went away, how you could leave suffering behind and take away the joy! They won’t meet the young man any more. It’s time for your parents to enjoy their life. You went away, never bearing your dream and others hopes. You really made them very disappoint，in fact, by now, I can say, you despaired them indeed. What had they done, why they had to deserve it?! Other’s son! My schoolmate!

Life is always full of ups and downs. Didn’t you know? Did you only catch the meaning of words, I’m sure, and your heart didn’t understand it very well. Even though the SARS broke out, even others terrible diseases appeared, we human being have never given up. You just failed in four courses of X (sorry, I don’t know how many courses he had learn last term), did you heard your schoolmate had fail seven of eight, however, he passed them. Did the failure really hurt you so much? Did the devil or the head of them Satan control your soul? Or the Bodhisattva didn’t bless you? No, you ruined yourself. 

It’s not the only case that university student went to end their life. It’s time for us to brown study it? After the great battle College Entrance Examination, the youth think every storm have stop, they just face the vast sea which is calm forever, however, after two year of learning at university, such kinds of thought is completely wrong. The CEE is just the ticket that you can sail. There are sharks in the sea, and the wind won’t easily give you a fluent trip, from now on you would have to face N mol frustration than before.

Death is not the end!!! Death is not the perfect solution!!!