我的天

也不知道自己在写什么，也不知道自己在追求什么，不知道，不知道，到底“我的天”在哪里？

突然好像没有了什么追求，到底梦想是什么？我每天在为何而奔波？简而言之就是，我为何而生？不知道，不知道，不知道。日子就混沌地过，没日没夜，心灵没有被触动的时刻，没有思维，一切都在逻辑地进行。

昨天晚上不能上网，不单我急，妈也很急，甚至她打的电话比我还要多，当然，这不是因为我的语言表达有问题。对骂人的电话我最在行。小学六年级就被老师命令要打电话到某某同学家向那家长投诉某某怎么怎么，用的要是老师的口吻，当时不觉怎么，但学生毕竟不是老师，虽然是一个班长，但做这件事到底是不合适的，而且我还被迫愤斥了3次，现在想起来真的觉得我的老师有点心理变态，怎么可以叫学生为她干这些东西。

也许是那些文章，是妈明白了我的blog到底是干嘛的，我到底在耗费一大堆时间在干什么。因此对于上网的问题，她很在意。这从另一角度也是一个维权的方法，我们交了钱我们就有上网的权利。

今天和平时一样，也是吃饭，逛超市，然后睡觉，然后再吃饭，然后乘车回家。一切都好像铁定的规矩，我无法改变似的。

刚才无意中发现了表哥 fengyjq 的blog〖心潮〗 ，原来他也有blog，而且好像发现了一篇很感人的文章不定时日志——感受25年的父爱 :: 〖心潮〗原来就在身边的人也在用blog来讲述他的故事，我看来不孤独了。

为了英文话剧，去找了法国电影《蝴蝶》的歌，真的很好听，绝对配我们的东西，希望自己能够成功。不过到现在为止，还没有什么心情把剧本打出来。我实在太没有moon了。

我是什么？

附：《蝴蝶》的下载地址和歌词：

They asked me to write the play script again, but in the diary of 2005-05-25, I had written "I won't write the play script, though I really want to, I eager to do, but I can't desprive their rights of writing it freely… I can't be so selfdish, I can't always show time and don't give them any chances… Therefore, I prefer to be a sin, and teach them a lesson, and tell them how to stand by themselves."

Though I have sweared such thing, at last, I became an important part of script writing. I can't stick to my words until the end.

Before this, I have ever had a dream that became a scriptwriter, director and actress, that because too many dramas watching. I love all that job, however, the fact tell me, all the things are far from so easy. And found how idealistic I was.

Have a inspiritation was just a beginning. And then how to extent it was most difficult and important things. A lot of ideas, you just have a general shape of them, then you should make the drowy thing into real one, you must use some methods to somethings and let others can easily get your meaning. So, in a words, a successful play means at the thought of the writer can be shared with the audences. Two of them maybe have some spirit communication. When all the people enjoy the play and cry or laugh as the story going on, who will say that play isn't triumph?! Consequantly, I do my best to reach that level. I'm just an amateur, and far from professional, yet I believe, with self-confidence, every one can do it.

Among this writing, I really learnt a lot. I know how to share the ideas of others, I'm not alone. I have a team to support me. Although the price is I can't focus on classes and go to sleep until 2:00AM, yet I think, it's worth. The teamwork spirit can't be described with any price.

The last time came, and with a little lucky, they chose our(girls') play script. The last result of the play is remain to be seen, no matter what happen, I still will go to great lengths to do it.