我的天

Nothing will be changed; the first snapshot means the website (Fan de Club) will be closed definitive from tomorrow (2006-11-01). The only thing you can see is the snapshot, all the website has been moved away except the forum, and in the 0:00 AM of 1 November, the only forum will out of touch the same. Undoubtedly, I feel very sad. This must be the most horrible Halloween for me till now.

 

Right now, I read the message of Martha and Marcela carefully, of course including others' replies. And maybe I know the reason why such things happened together in a short time. Suddenly, I knew the decision of Marcela was right and must be painful, so was Martha's. As a female, I could feel the desperate of Marcela between the lines; I understand she had done her best to maintain the bond of love but without use. She must be the loyal one in this marriage. Love is a thing of two. Once you lose, it's hard to retrieve again. You can keep back the body, however, not mental either. It's none of my business to know what had happen in other's family and I have no right to ask for the reason. Even so, as a loyal fan, I have paid a lot of time in it as well. Almost all of my time online is about it, you know, it's about 4 years! Could anybody tell me what I should do from now on when I surf on internet? It must be a long time to adjust to the new life.

I was doing experiment in front of clean beanth, singing and nothing in my brain just as yesterday when I was rope skipping. This afternoon, I shared my bad feeling of my partner of Mangrove Team. I couldn't help to talking a lot. In her eyes, some days ago, she thought I was strong, now, she might know in some degree I was as effeminacy as other girls especially in emotional, which is about feeling. I could just tell black from white, in my emotional dictionary there's a word called "gray". I told her all the things about Fan de Club and JEA which was my admirer a few days ago. I asked her who's wrong, the man or the woman? In my opinion, I couldn't accept the idea that they divorce because they had found better partners of them. She told me, there's no need to tell apart the right one from the other, who is the betrayer and who is not. She said my admirer had fallen in love with others then couldn't get rid of, and it's impossible to separate the new lovers. So, they divorced, using the most directly way to end the painful relation, it's good for both. Yes, she's right, I think I always struggle with is the problem of betrayer, and I have knew the "loving law" as well. I just could not connect this situation and that definition together. She's definitive right, because I'm the one in the periphery of the game, I could not use my head soberly, and she is far from the game, then, she still has cool head.

Time heals everything. It's easy said than done. Everybody says all good things must come to an end, just takes it easy. In my part, that's very very difficult to put down such feeling, because I am a human being. I could not lie to my heart.

I think this song fit me well now: http://distritos.telepolis.com/bettylafea/lib/Musica/07_-_Como_se_cura_una_herida_-__Jaci_Velasquez.mp3

See all the essay snapshot in Spanish: http://xrspook2.blogbus.com/files/1162212335.gif
See all the essay snapshot in translated English: http://xrspook2.blogbus.com/files/1162212311.gif

I heard two pieces of terrible news this few days. First, Jorge and Marcela had separated; then today, Martha said she would close Club of Fan very soon. In my part, that is all my happy time online, what I will do in future. It’s time I have to say goodbye to the friends this years.

It’s the second time in my life I really feel sad because of separation. The first time was when I was in high school, my classmate left us to Australia study. Though she was not my best friend, yet I moved indeed, all of us cried together that noon. Just at that afternoon, we had a math test, she was not good at math, so she escape, however, if she could choose, I thought she would prefer attend the test and then scolded by our math teacher to left alone. In that test, I showed an unbelievable potential power in math, I did a good job, better than I had expect and even better than anybody’s expect. When I wrote my paper, nothing in my head, and I even paid no attention to the question. At that time, I just felt depress and thoughtful. I still remember that’s a very cold day, nevertheless, I had ignored anything even my freezing hands.

I had the same feeling this afternoon. When I was rope skipping, there’s nothing in my brain again, so I didn’t feel any discomfort of skipping. I was stared at the pillar; just skipped and skipped, skipped faster and faster, still felt nothing.

Jorge and Marcela had married for 8 years (to the 7 December). They have a baby, a girl, and will be 5 years old (next 12 February). Before this, I really think they will be together forever and they will be the ideal couple, but… It struggled against me; I can’t stop myself thinking why they separated? And why Martha would close Club of Fan after that? I just can associate that must be something wrong that JEA had been done. Hurt his wife, and hurt his wife’s good friend Martha. The great admirer became the biggest baddy suddenly, I can’t imagine what I will do if I know the truth. Maybe I will format two of my disks at once, but now, I knew nothing except the result. That maybe the mercy result to me. No matter what, I’m sure I may lose one of important anchor for now on. I have never thought about such things would happen to me, maybe I am too innocent. All good things must come to an end, but I can’t accept such idea now.

Can’t believe, that’s truth. This Halloween I am really feel horrible.

Maybe it’s the last year I attend the sports meeting. As a junior in university, I’m the oldest who will play such game; senior won’t pay any attention at us. Just like the last chance in middle school and high school, an unbelievable ambition struggle me. I don’t know why, my heart ask me to do a better job this time. I can’t understand my heart, why just exert myself at the third year, the last time, shouldn’t we do our best in any time? Why we let a lot of chances flow away, and define some of are the most important one and then make a decision to create a miracle. That’s not fair, however, human being like playing such unfair show.

Everyday I quote out more and more day to do some sports. The only reason is to lose my weigh than I could run faster during the competition. I really want to do better, nevertheless, when others asked me why I rope skip this days, I gave them so an answer: To lose my weigh. Such kind of answer was not the whole truth at all. The mainly reason is I want to perform at that day, after that time, I’m sure I will stop all my sports right now. It’s not for the physical body shape of me but my ambition. Still remember my English teacher said there are two kinds of meaning of ambition: first, it means an eager or strong desire to achieve something, such as fame or power; then, it means the object or goal desired. My ambition has both meaning.

What an aspirant heart! What an ugly heart!

Today, all my roommates went to do some running. Some of us had our goal but the other just had fun. Running in the racetrack of Huashan playground, I really remember a lot. I can’t forget the days in that tennis course, the sun, the temperature, the classmates and the teacher. If I just a freshman, if I just 19 years old, if such it’s really truth, time must be turn back. The feeling in this playground was so strange; I even felt humanity there, even though in fact I didn’t familiar with it at all.

Time did not stand still, now, ambition control me. Ok, Ok, I put my hand up; I will follow your order, that’s all.

Last night I went to bed at about 1:30 AM. I had a furious battle with the evils of my computer, and I am the last wonderful winner. I killed the Trojan virus in my computer which called “EXPLORER.EXE”. That kinds of Trojan died hard very much, so I should scarified something before I knock it down. At first I ordered my Kaspersky Anti-virus insulate that Trojan at this time, and then restarted my computer then entered safety model. And then started the Kaspersky Anti-virus at that model (because the Anti-virus can’t auto start there). The Anti-virus could find out the Trojan at once, and then you should according to the instrument then killed the Trojan manually. After that, you should restart your computer again; I must be very surprised that two windows of “My Document” will pop up. If you pay no attention to it, it will pop up every time after you start your computer. Nothing serious, but very annoy. The way of solving this problem is very easy; you just need to use the function “return back” your computer to a few weeks ago, however, the precondition is your system must be Windows XP or better. You can find that function in this way: Start – All the Program – Attachment – Tools of System – System Revert. You computer will all right after restart.

Half of my day was in biological laboratory again. Our team made a big mistake time after time. We really pay out a lot, but received such a little. My partner and I were the most unlucky one on earth, through the experiment we had to gain much more experience than others, there’s no double of it. On the other hand, we were lucky dog, we didn’t what was wrong until the last moment, and then when the ugly result came out, we took a tumble at the same time. You can laugh at our incaution, yet in out part we had done our best.

The beginning of the day was not so bad, all the things went on as usual, and the only problem was under others’ control, so we had to wait, wait and wait. During that time we used the sterilizers finished what we had to do, at the same time, we washed about 3 dozen of test tubes. Finishing the clearing was not easy as you aspect, first you should dip them in boiling water, because the agar inside was so bigotry, it’s very difficult to melt in normal temperature yet hot water and the boiling water is its big enemy. So we boiled the test tubes, after the agar melt we washed in normal way.

We saw our boss again! The last time we communicate with him was about two weeks ago. You couldn’t find him in his office, you won’t meet him in the laboratory, and you must be luck enough to see my tutor, my boss, the little fat man. We won’t see each other in the next few weeks, because he said he would go to Wuhan to participate a big meeting of microbiology in China. He tutor and also his boss asked him to go, so he left. We will have the time of ours from now on before he comes back. We didn’t have to go to his office or others place to find such a person to report our headway.

The evening came and the unfortunate came with it. It’s very difficult to remelt our mediums. What a bad luck! We had done what we could do, but our kid – the mediums seemed to kid us for about two hours. And then when we was about to declare we had finished the job today, we realized we did a big mistake again – the mediums were not enough, we should have 1000mL each but we just had 500mL at that time, however, all the culture dishes had been unseal. We did a great deal of useless effort again. In such situation, we both didn’t want to blame anyone, no one was wrong; we did the stupid thing all together. We even didn’t lose our heart; we just said to us we gained experience again. What monsters we are? How we did angry or depress at all? I don’t know why, maybe that’s why we run into a blank wall and recovery very soon. That’s the shining point of us and also the ridiculous point of us.

After all, we ended our job in the little prepared room with yuk. Two powerful girls was twiddle with bundle of keep fresh paper. We did our effort to cut it with a knife, it’s so difficult, and then we wringed it, draught it, hit it, and even use the knowledge in our professional class to slit it. All our force had been shown up, the tough keep fresh paper stand still. As used to be, we didn’t be angry but be happy very much with each other. At last, the keep fresh paper had been cut into two part, but with a very ugly face, we didn’t’ mean to, really!

I want it that way, a little stupid but innocent.

There must be something wrong with my brain, I can’t remember clearly the days when I was still young. They said we can memory things since three years old; however, I didn’t have any recollection about that time. Was I really that baby? Or I just like the monkey-king who was bombing from the rock?

Still remember when I was a little child, I always thought I was not the daughter of my parents, but the orphan came from nowhere, and my blood parents would claim me sooner or later. As everybody knows, such kinds of thing won’t happen, because it just a strange dream from a little child.

Still remember some days of my 20 birthdays, most of them means nothing special. I can’t list how many times I had birthday cake; nevertheless, the number must be less than 5. In this way, I don’t thing birthday it’s an important thing for me. Just like other 355 or 366 days, I will be scolded or under other punish if I did something wrong. Just a few people would recall such a day, and did something. I remember a birthday when I was a pupil, I cried in low voice with my broken birthday card alone, because the ugly woman dropped on me again. She often warned me: You can’t unruliness even on birthday! She likes playing with little baby and pet, yet if you have to be her baby all your life, that’s another thing.

Like a boy, I like car and ball. Even though 7 months old, I know how to control a car, a fire engine! (See photo) I liked picking up screwdriver and scissors, and then damaged whatever possible. Many toy breaks into pieces, all the cars was broken down into little parts and never assembled again. I wanted to know the truth about why the car could move, unfortunately, they sacrificed one after another, I till couldn’t find out the reason. A toy became rubbish after the "research".

Still remember I wanted to grow up at once when I was a little girl, and then I could buy all the toys I like and be out of the control of witch in my family. Now, I have grown up, yet the life does seem the perfect ones as I dream. Everyone has his/her own annoyance, we can look down upon the need of the kid, and we are equal no matter what.